Well like many of you staring vaguely at your computer screens, came the life of a child (me) and who knew from that day forward of my birth, i would bring such love, pain and joy into this world, as well as a few cuts and bruises along the way, but thats just the beginning!!
As a child i was an awkward freak that knew how to win people over, with a bright smile from a blonde headed little girl, i knew that secrets of my own were best kept hidden and i learnt the truth wasnt always good to be told...Its funny now that i think about it that at age 5 i learnt to lie like a pro to save my ass from saying the things i wanted, i learnt that blaming someone else meant i didnt cop the punishment of would what follow later and i learnt actions speak louder than words, but what my actions meant i had no clue of what was becoming of me...
I grew up in a country town, on the yorke peninsula, south australia, called ardrossan, i attended kindergarten, and school up until grade one, that was before my mother, who already had 3 kids at the time i was 6 ran away from her partner, or in this case i should say my father, but before this story could be told, Lil miss Bianca Hams, the odd ball to say the least was picked on, like all freaks in the play ground are, and this was the beginning of the endless rant of bullies that hurled there vile sick at my heart and squashed my feelings into the ground...it was the afternoon, i believe it was a math lesson, but me not being interested in other than escaping into my fantasy world i could be wrong, in came mum through my class room door, i dropped my pencils and knew something was up..i got dragged outta class and lead towards my nannies car (mums mum) tears where running down my mums face as the words, were running away came from her mouth!!
SO off we went to Port Pirie to a womans shelter, i for one was amused the large gate we had to go through was controlled by a remote that we had to press to get in, and i was shocked to see the large black fences that surrounded the houses, who knew for a period in my life, this is where i would be living, at 6 years old, it was the time i learnt being a kid was over, i had to step up and take the reins!
now your wondering why would we run away from my dad, what made my mother do such a thing?
as a child, i do not remember my dad being home much at all, that was till i discovered he was on night shifts and day shifts all the time at the local BHP, so my dads face wasnt a regular, i also found out, he was one of a violent man, more so than he is today!! anyhoo the reasons are too personal to convey here, but you get the jist!
it wasnt long at the place before we knew each and everyone at this place...but to call the other children my friends wasnt the case, as who would befriend a girl like me and being the secretive girl i am, i couldnt even tell mum what i did at school with out making up some lie to assure her everything was fine, when in fact i was meat for the vultures in the school yard that pecked at my bones and ripped my flesh, limb from limb...
there is one incident i will never forget at this place, my mother was out somewhere and one of the ladies from the house next to us baby sat me, she forced me to take a drag from a smoke and she wouldnt take NO for an answer, instead, i held this vile stick of toxins next to my lips staring at it with her yelling at me to smoke it, so with my eyes shut tight, i put it in my mouth and breathed in, i could feel its toxins crawl down my throat and touch my lungs before they tried to jump out my throat! why she did this to me who knows, but i know i will never SMOKE again!! as thats one habit i can not stand, I HATE my own mother for that filthy habit!
weeks passed and it wasnt long before we were moving off again, where i was not told till we arrived at out next destination, Whyalla, was our next stop to another womens shelter, only this time this shelter was dirty and over crowded, i tried planting apple seeds in the back yard of this place one day to only be picked on for being stupid and told they would never grow, we stayed there for a short while, my memory blurs as i believe i blocked out the rest till we ended up in our own lil two bedroom apartment!
This place was ok, i mean i was getting used of the idea of not having a father around and me being the one to look after my mother, who at this stage i thought was holding this all together quite well! that was until i found out how my father found us at the shelter, to be honest when he rocked up at our apartment, with the car and trailer full of our stuff i wasnt happy to see him, as even at the age of 6 i knew something terrible must have happened to make her runaway!! I found out that mum was contacting my dad this whole time, i was confused as to why, but i suppose sometimes love is painful and running away from your problems isnt the answer!!
SO this was the start of our new journey, we hopped into the fully loaded car, after hugs, conversation and more packing and drove off, lil did i know this meant driving to another state!!
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