So off we went on our way to Albany, Western Australia, where a promise of a new life and new beginnings was meant to arise, who knew that in the four years that we lived there before heading back to SA would be the discovery of a life time for this lil freak from the country!!
I have to admit life sure seemed pretty swell and happy in WA, i made "friends" well i think i did, or were they just people i followed because i was to stupid to walk in my own foot steps through the school halls and yards?!?!
Home life was better, i mean my parents fought but all do from time to time, my parents got married and the seemed happy for once in their miserable lives!
but this posting isnt about them is it? this posting is about me!
It was in the forth grade, my three schooling years before this were just mere blurs to me and i have no recollection of things happening that were significant enough to post on here!
Any hoo like any ordinary school girl, i had crushes, but did most of them have crushes and sexual desires for other school girls, did other girls dream about naked girls body and wondering what it would feel like to kiss a girls lips, im pretty sure not many 11 year old girls do, but i know there are some out there that have, and would it have been right for me to tell my parents, teachers or friends of these feelings?! NO!! i knew this wasnt right, i knew i had to make this go away, i tried hard to push the desire to kiss my friend who i was crushing on! i tried hard to seem normal, boys were my answer, i dated, kissed and did sexual favors like give them wristies at age 11 coz girls like boys and thats that, but who knew i would stumble upon a girl in my class who one day kissed me in the girls bathroom and then that becoming our lil school yard routine! who knew i would be taking another girls clothes off at age 11 and kissing her all over, i mean where did i learn this shit? how did i know how to kiss her without ever kissing a girl before and why did it feel SO right! but as soon as our clothes were back on and as soon as we opened that cubical door we swore never to tell anyone of this because after all, this wasnt right for girls, or was it? so i would run over to the school oval where i knew to boys would be wanting me and i would lie them down and kiss them, trying to make myself normal again, i would be imagining the whole time it was that girl i was kissing, i was hoping i didnt smell like the girl i kissed or tasted her so i would kiss multiple guys to make sure i was being a normal girl once more!!
I would lie awake terrified of what i was doing but then the feeling of it being right would creep up and all my worries would float away!!
But how could i tell someone what was going on, how could i tell myself what was going on, i did not know that meant i was gay, i did not know that meant i was a lesbian, i did not know what was becoming of me, till one day when the girl dragged me in the girls toilets and told me this was over, it was then i knew i was...IN LOVE WITH A GIRL!!
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